Confronting Conflict

I've never been very good at conflict. I despise it in fact.

So in order to deal with this (often irrational) fear, I am someone who will script out my conversations in my mind to organize and prepare what I need to say in order to insure the confrontation is as productive as possible.

The only problem is you can't script life. The author in me wishes that I could but the problem with creating such a script is that it never works out the way you want it to and so when the conversation is over and you've both walked away there are more regrets than there is closure. The other person didn't respond the way you planned for them to and so your script becomes jumbled and you end up skipping a few lines. So all of your preparation is wasted simply because we were not made to be authors of other people's lives.

Now however I have stopped myself from doing this (okay I typically carry out the script for the first few lines but I do make myself stop when I realize what I am doing, it's a process)  I have adopted some new techniques for handling the conflict.

Since I know I naturally am going to fall victim to my bad habit of planning word for word what I will say I try to not give myself time to think and obsess about what will happen. And I've found that the obsession is really just proof that I do not trust God in my conflict and confrontation and when we decide to trust in ourselves rather than Him things never go as planned.

That brings me to the second new habit I have formed: praying. Prayer has been known to do pretty cool things and if you pray all of that worry about not knowing exactly what to say goes away. Especially if you pray that God will give you the right words. It will calm the fears and provide you with a strength you were unaware of. Which in difficult situations like conflict is often ideal.

Now there is one final thing I have been doing that may seem silly, but I think really does help, at least it does help me. In order to remind myself of the strength God will supply I have been taking a pen and writing verses on my wrist. Joshua 1:9, Psalm 27:1, 1 Cor. 10:13, Phil 4:13. All of these verses talk of strength and in the midst of a confrontation that is what I feel I need most.

So last night, when I faced one of the hardest conversations I have ever had to, this was my prayer:

"Daddy,
As much as I want to write out what I will say, I know that if I do I will only disappoint myself. My words are only divine when you flow through them, otherwise they are a limp kite in the still air. So instead here is prayer: Give me courage to face my fears tonight, even if it means the bravery to be vulnerable. Place my heart in purity so that my words are not stemmed from anger and bitterness. Allow me to be brutally honest but unexaggerated. Allow me to say what I must and nothing more, nothing unnecessary. Shower me with your Peace and Grace and constantly remind me of Unconditional Love. I pray that when I speak my words are heard and I pray that you will use those words to meet [the person of my conflict] where [he/she] is. Bless [him/her] Lord, and be with me. I will need you, especially since such a large part of me feels like I need [them]. Remind me that I don't, that I have You to lean upon now, You as a best friend that will never leave or forsake me. One who will stand by me in all of my faults and failures. Cover me with Your Presence. Consume me in Your Light. Send me another rainbow please Daddy. Remind me that I am not in this storm alone and that it will in fact be ending soon.
Bring me strength. Bring me You. "

He did provide me with the strength I needed to face my fears. And I feel like nothing was left unsaid. But as far as Him using my words, that I will probably never know. And that is alright, because in the words of my favorite author,

"[Aslan] tell[s] no one any story but [their] own."

~C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy