Bittersweet Lingering

This week I am going back to school.

And for months it was all I could do to not pack my bags and camp on the campus until they would let me move in.

This wasn't because my first year of university was the best year of my life, in fact it was the third worst. 

But I was so excited to return because it gave me an excuse to run from my problems. Going back to school meant being elsewhere and for months that was all I wanted. 

Now that I've confronted my problems face to face however, I've realized that my fears were not really that scary. 

So now that it is finally time, there is a bittersweet taste in my mouth. 

Not because I do not want to go back, because I am truly looking forward to my return.

Instead the acid in my mouth goes back to how I thought my summer would look.

I wanted to enjoy myself, get a job where I could relive my childhood and time to replenish my soul.

This summer was nothing like what I thought it would be. 

I got a job as a nanny, and while it did mean I could still eat like a four year old and play with Barbies it made me conscious of how far away my childhood has become. It made me feel like an adult. 

I cried more than I ever have. I went through heartbreak and betrayal. I became anti-social and afraid to leave my house.

And yet my soul is more replenished and renewed than I ever could have imagined.

For while I had the responsibility to care for the lives of small children, I also had more chances to illustrate unconditional love to several families. 

And while my tears single-handedly stopped the wildfires in Colorado, I still had joy. The tears were there yes, but so were the laughs, chuckles and grins. 

The funniest bit is how this summer was probably the worst I've ever  had, I still will miss it.

I think the bittersweet is the desire to let this summer continue forever, 

Because I am not done growing, and that is what this summer has been for me.

In fact it is more like spring. 

I will have to now endure the heat and the cold that is to come.

Luckily spring always returns.

So Trinity, I am coming your way, so watch out, for I am even stronger than before.