How to Re-Begin

It seems I've forgotten how to begin. After all it's been quite some time. 

I have thinking about some excuse for my absence, but no matter how many projects or assignments I could list none of it would be enough, or true for that matter. I have had plenty of time to write. 

In fact I have been writing often.

Just not on here. 

Because, the truth is, I've been selfish. 

I've wanted to keep my thoughts my own.

I've wanted to sort through them without a million questions or people to answer to.

I've wanted to protect them from my past.

I've wanted to simply run away with them and never come back.

Unfortunately for me, that plan doesn't fit with God's plan. 

And now I feel like I am at an impasse.

Because my heart doesn't want to disclose any more information than it already had, but I know that the deeper cuts will find themselves into my words whether I will them to or not.  

So I've avoided it.

I've written, but I've hidden my thoughts from the world, sentencing myself to silence.

And now it feels like I am relearning how to speak.

I am rediscovering my voice. 

In fact I think lately it has changed. 

I just don't know how. 

Guess I'll work on figuring that out and I'll get back to you.