Putting Myself Out There

So tonight (as in literally a minute ago) I submitted several poems for publication.

And this is odd for me because, for the most part, my poems are for me, written because my heart needs to lament or heal and that is how it grieves.

And so tonight I submitted seven poems. Seven pieces of my heart.

And honestly, I am still kind of in shock.

I feel like it shouldn't be this hard considering I put my thoughts and feelings on here, but somehow it is different.

It's not like I am hiding a piece of myself from any of you, but I suppose in a way you are choosing to read my posts not because of my writing alone, but because you know me and want to support me in my writing.

At least the vast majority of you do.

And so the thought of my writing, my raw, bleeding heart being judged by someone who has never met me, is unnerving, and I feel out of sorts.

But not in a bad way.

I'm in two writing classes this semester and both of them are encouraging us to publish our work, but I didn't do it because of the bonus marks I might receive if any of the poems do get selected or because I can have bragging rights or even because my professors told me to:

I did it because this is who I am.

My writing can tell you everything you need to know about me.

And I guess I would rather be judged on that than on a facade I plaster on my face to impress people.

I would rather be known as I actually am.

And besides, like all people, I want to see if I am good enough.

Writing is something I want to do, it is something I need to do, and I just want to do it well.

I want to hear that I am not wasting my time, and I kind of want to hear it from an unbiased party.

The key is however that I want to hear it, I don't need to hear it.

I know that God gave me this love for words and for arranging them, and so while it would be nice, all I really need is His approval.

Remind me of that as the rejection letter inevitably start trickling in.

He certainly will.