Judas

I've been thinking a lot about Judas lately.

Kinda weird I know, but betrayal has become more prevalent to me recently.

And what I've been wondering is how he could've done it. How he could have traded the life of a man who had taught him, prayed for him, and loved him unconditionally for a bit of gold. 

I mean they had been friends for quite some time and it is not like Jesus ever wronged Judas in anyway.

Here is what my brain knows:

I understand that sin is very powerful and when you let a demon have even the slightest inch it will consume you like a wildfire. 

I understand that we all are tempted and we all fall short and make mistakes and I do not wish to judge or condemn him for being human, 

but I still don't get it. 

Did it need to happen? Yes. 

Would humanity be lost without a Judas? Yes.

Does that mean I fully have to understand why? No.

But yet the question still rattles around in my mind, distracting me from some necessary things like sleep.

Here is how my heart feels:

Maybe that is just because my relationships are very important to me and because I am hurting I just can't wrap my finger around how something so finite like money can be worth more than the life of a friend. 

And furthermore, Jesus, as God, knew that Judas would betray him, and yet he still taught, prayed and loved the man the same. 

I mean Jesus also knew that there needed to be a Judas in order to have a crucifixion and thus a resurrection, but you would think that if you were told ahead of time there would be some animosity towards the person.

Luckily Jesus is a far better person than I.

Because the definition of betrayal requires a sense of loyalty to that person and if Jesus would've acted bitter and hostile towards Judas it would not have been betrayal, only revenge. And it would not have hurt as much.

Because Jesus had to go through every human trial it can be assumed that we will all face some form of betrayal in our lives. And we will all have to try and act as He acted and forgive those who trespass against us. 

But having felt the severe pain of betrayal I do think I understand why it was one of the last trials Jesus had to face. It is one of the hardest. Not only because there is a deep wound inflicted when a friend turns their back on you, but even more so is that you begin to question your part in the act of betrayal.

Did you make them turn to the enemy? Was there something you could've done to stop it? How could you not have seen it coming?

I think those questions are what makes betrayal so awful. They are what separate it. And they are what make it so difficult to forgive.

And Yet, Jesus did forgive Judas. He told Judas to continue before Judas had even acted. And even before that he treated Judas with as much love and compassion as the rest of the world. 

FAAAARRRRR better person.

I mean I can't say that I have never hurt someone I care about due to my own selfishness. I am sure I have. More than once.

And that is the one thing I do understand about Judas: his guilt. 

I know how it feels to hurt someone you love and the weight that comes with that. 

And although none of us deserve forgiveness, we have all received it. So should we not try and give it as well, as undeserving as those people might be?

I'm working on that. And it is taking a whole lot of effort, and one day I will get there.

But for right now I am forgiving Judas, and thanking him because without him I never could have been Forgiven.