A Promise

I haven't really written in a long while. At least, I haven't really written here.

It isn't because I don't have anything to say. I think, rather, it is that I have had too much to say, and no way to determine where to start.

But there are a few of you faithfuls who keep checking, who haven't given up on me. And I want to thank you for that and let you know that I haven't given up on you either.

I try not to make promises, because, as a friend pointed out to me recently, they can be quite dangerous. But I am going to make a promise to you now. I finish my exams on the December 14th and I promise to have a new post up by the 16th at the latest.

I have no idea what it will be about. I doubt it will be any good. But it will be there none the less.

Bottoms Up

Something has stricken me in this Easter season.

"Then Jesus went with His disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and He said to them, 'Sit here while I go over there and pray.' He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with Him, and began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then He said to them 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.'

Going a little further, He fell with His face to the ground and prayed,

'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup of suffering be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will'"

Matthew 26:36-39

Jesus prayed for His suffering to go away. He asked for the pain to be taken away. But He was strong enough to do the Father's will regardless of His want. 

I've always had a hard time praying for myself. Praying for the pain to go away. For some reason it made me feel guilty or as if I didn't trust Him. But if Jesus can hate the pain, if He can ask for it to be taken from Him so can I. 

I just have to be as strong as Him if the Lord has a different plan.

"He went away a second time and prayed

'My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be 

taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.'

I can ask for the pain to go away. I can hate every second of it. But I won't get mad at God for making me drink it. 

I guess my only response can be bottoms up.

A distinction to be made

I've learned that there is a difference between being weak and being weary.

To be weak is to not be strong; liable to yield, break, or collapse under pressure or strain; fragile; frail.

To be weary is to be physically or mentally exhausted by hard work or exertion.

But here is the critical distinction between the two: when you are a Christian, you always have strength within you, for 

The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation (Psalm 118:14) Therefore, we cannot be weak when we are with The Lord. It is impossible.  We can however be weary. But we can take heart, for

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

(Matthew 11:28)

So the next time you feel like falling, like your legs cannot hold you up any longer, or as if you do not have the strength to go on know that you are only burdened and weary. But you are not weak. You are never weak. 

But those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint.

(Isaiah 40:31)

Snow's Fall

This is a poem I wrote a while ago, but I've held off posting it.

It brings the same promise of redemption, renewal and revitalization that a baby did long ago. A baby we celebrate with a White Christmas. I hope you enjoy:

The world falls silent

Creation holds its breath

Time is frozen in misty state

the world has paused

and for the slightest instant

transcendent peace descends

forcing humanity to respond in hushed tones.

And with this peace falls snowflakes

majestic in their manner

dropping so slowly from above that they might

instead, be traveling back towards Heaven.

Each snowflake is a unique dancer

keeping in perfect harmony

all individuals working together for one moment,

one message

of pirouettes and chasses

flawless in each motion

remaining in the rhythm of the wind

swaying to the silent song of a million stifled voices.

It is no wonder the world stops to watch

Their captivating fall

a million shooting stars

traveling through the universe for this one performance

with all of Earth as their audience.

But the chill bites

And Creation responds

No longer an artist’s work

But cold, sharp edges.

Yet this is all the crystals have,

this is their one time on the stage

So their dance becomes more urgent,

pleading with Creation's wandering eyes,

trying to regain their fleeting audience.

They become a problem requiring a solution,

left to be trodden on by feet that had once stopped to marvel,

tainted with bile and filth dragged along by the shoes

Crushed into conformity

and pushed aside

No longer beautiful beams of starlight

No longer revered

No longer loved.

Their only release comes with the sun

in his rays lie the promise of a new start,

A second chance

To live the dance once more

But on a different stage

With different music.

The transformation burns

it sears the snowflake's flesh

stripping them of all they have

liquifying their essence to allow for ascent

Back to Heaven.

Back to Perfection.

Back to Cherished.

Hello again

It's been a while.

And weirdly enough, I've missed you all. I've missed even those who I have never met from all around the world, and I've missed letting the people I do know about my life.

I haven't been absent due to a lack of motivation to write, or a shortage of topics to talk on, but merely due to the mere business of the season. Finals, packing and then family have consumed the time I have had, and when I have had a spare moment to myself to try and organize my thoughts into coherent sentences I have had far too many things to sort.

So here I am, trying to sort it all into some kind of single post. And I don't think I can.

Exams went well as far as I know.

Goodbyes were hard. Some harder than others.

I sat next to a little girl on the plane who reminded me of Annie. She wanted things the way she wanted them, and she was very comfortable as herself.

And since then there have been a multitude of blessings that God has poured out on me.

Several today even.

Today I realized I was much stronger than I originally thought. I had the opportunity to fall apart, and the truth is, I didn't have a reason to. I had gotten beyond what months ago would have broken me. It helps that I knew that God would give me strength. He did.

And then later today my family had around 40 people over for dinner. I got to spend time with my family that I have missed. But five of which were orphans from Ethiopia. What traditionally is a birthday party for me became a way to bless kids who really need love. And I am pretty sure they left feeling loved. I know I fell in love with them before they left.

We went on a sleigh ride. We made gingerbread houses. They performed for us (they are a part of a choir called His Little Feet). And we gave them presents.

I got a few, but the truth is, It wouldn't have mattered if I hadn't. I had the chance to show love to kids who need it. And they showered me in love in return. And that was the most important.

And my being born made it possible.

So thanks Lord, for planning my birth twenty years ago, just so a night like tonight could happen.