Sometimes

Sometimes we really want something to happen.

Sometimes we are surprised by how much we really want it to happen.

And Sometimes the thing that we want to happen does.

And it doesn't change anything.

No matter how much we wanted it to.

In fact that is probably why we wanted it in the first place. We wanted some change to occur.

But what happens when that change never comes?

What happens when all of that wanting, all of that wishing is done in vain?

What happens if the change isn't the one you want it to be?

Does it make us bad people if we get upset?

Does it make us selfish?

Or stubborn?

Sometimes we really want something to happen.

Sometimes we are surprised by how much we really want it to happen.

And Sometimes the thing that we want to happen does.

But rarely does it work out the way we want it to.

And sometimes we just need to cry about it and then move on.

Pascal and Puddleglum

In my Philosophy class our first unit was about ancient philosophers who debated the existence of God.

And while they were all very well spoken and argued there was one writer whose argument clicked. 

A man called Pascal logically argued for the existence of God, not by what he could determine of God's nature from the world or from humanity, but from the prospective of there being a wager.

This wager was one that must be answered in life, for it was the only important bet we would ever make in our lives.

Pascal stated that there were two possibilities in this great debate: either God exists or He doesn't.

And due to this we could logically determine what would be in our best interest to believe. 

If God does not exist for example, and we do not believe in Him then we have the satisfaction of being right and we have lived a life including finite pleasure (which always end up doing more harm than good). However if we have spent our lives believing in a non-existant God than we lose those finite pleasures (which always end up doing more harm than good) and we are a good person.

But if God does exist and we do believe than while we miss out on those finite pleasures (which always end up doing more harm than good) we gain eternal life and happiness. Our rewards are infinite. But if we don't believe in The Lord of All than we might have experienced some finite pleasures (which always end up doing more harm than good) but we are eternally damned. Our loss is infinite. 

And so if you just take those factors in to account believing in God gives you the highest reward with the lowest cost. And your chances are 50/50. Now I am no gambler, but if I was I would take that bet. 

Now Pascal's Wager reminds me of one of my favorite passages from my favorite author:

"'One word, Ma'am,' he said... 'One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one thing more to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things--trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Supose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say." 

~The Silver Chair, C.S. Lewis.

We are all in need of something more than what this world has to offer, because like the Green Witch's world, ours is hollow, and without Aslan we will keep trying to fill the void with the finite. But instead of living in a incomplete world why would you not strive for the world that is completely perfect?

After all, it is that world, and that Lion, that have the most to offer us. 

Pleasantly Pushed

Yesterday was much needed. I needed to pause and allow myself a brief selfish moment. I needed to cry and pour my heart out on to the page. And while I can't share it with the world yet, I think someday I will be able to.

But now back to the resolution I made with myself.

Even though last school year was very difficult, I never doubted that I loved my classes, or that I loved my professors.

Trinity Western has some of the most outstanding staff members there are, and they were all so supportive, yet they constantly pushed us to be better in one way or another.

Last semester one of my professors, and luckily for me my academic adviser, mastered the perfect combination of those two crucial tasks.

And I will never forget my first lesson with her.

It was American Literature and we had started at the very beginning: Native American Creation stories.

After reading them and discussing how they paralleled the Christian creation story she froze and asked us:

"Now tell me why you believe our creation story."

In our very first lesson she was already pushing us to verbalize our faith. She challenged us to defend the story of a God who made man from mud and woman from man. 

We did not go into the logistics of how long it took Him, or whether a form of divine evolution was used, but we did have to fortify our reasoning for believing in the God of the Christian Creation. 

And after we all spoke, she had this to say:

"The Christian God created humankind because He intimately desired a relationship with us. He did not need us, but He yearned for children to love and cherish. And the Christian God is the only God who desired that relationship enough to rectify it after it was broken by sin. Christianity is the only religion with an incarnation. And I would rather believe in a God who loves me enough to sacrifice His power in order to know me than believe in anything else."

And after hearing it phrased like that, no other religion, no other god can really match the I Am. 

And that is how a class in a Christian university should be. It should affirm our faith and challenge us in ways that we never would have expected. 

And I'm looking forward to returning to that. 

Short of success

This week I made a silent resolution to myself to write a post a day about my upcoming return to school. And while I have lots to say about how I am excited about my classes for the semester and how I am planning on doing so much with my time, I don't think that is the writing I am supposed to do today.

I think today I am supposed to just write for myself. 

I think it is one of those nights where my heart needs to pour itself out in my little blue notebook. 

Will it eventually get typed up and displayed for all eyes to see? Maybe.

But as for now I think I need to write for the pure reason that my heart has something to say.

I don't know what, but I'm going to figure out...

Overweight luggage

The last week I have spent packing.

The last month my closet and dressers have been organized into two sections:

 What stays
 and
 What goes.

It feels like I have had to place everything in my life in one of the two areas. The problem is I have trouble separating myself from any of it.

One pile is significantly larger than the other, there is more that I want to bring with me than what I am willing to part with. 

I would probably bring it all if I could.

So instead of trying to go back through all of my items, I try to be as efficient in my packing as possible.

I cram things in to the point where they are 49.9 lb. and bursting at the seams.

Which I think is something I think we all do, but not only with our checked baggage. 

We all hold on to things for too long, too afraid to forget the story or the emotion behind the significance. 

Because each item has some significance. 

As humans we love what is tangible, and that love often weighs us down with luggage we do not need. 

Our bags are heavy and burdensome, yet we keep trying to fit those last few items in, because for some reason we are too afraid to let them go.

And this is not only applicable for the physical clutter in our lives.

Sometime it seems as if our hearts were suitcases, where we store away every crush, every touch, every heartbreak. We carry this suitcase around with us continuously adding to it, but we never even think about opening it and cleaning out the contents. 

Eventually these suitcases become to full to add to, overweight and too big to meet the requirements. 

So then we have to do what everyone hates and is embarrassed of: we have to sort through it in the middle of the airport, trying to lighten the load enough to fit that last piece in and still not get overcharged.

If we would just go through them ahead of time, or even better examined whether or not we really need to travel with each item, then this can be avoided.

It all starts with forgiveness. 

That is how we rid ourselves of those unnecessary items.

So while I am still bringing five bags with me to school (rough estimate), there is one bag that I know I can leave behind, for I no longer can carry it as a burden.